


would you love me less, if you knew the trouble that i'm in?

by moxleysbaby



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence, Fluff, M/M, cause yesterday was a mess tbh, erm theres also a panic attack but its not very descriptive just a warning tho, i have forgot how to tag wtf, just an episode fix it fic, there is angst but it has a happy open ending, theres also food do i need to tag that idk but theres food
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:21:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27388618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moxleysbaby/pseuds/moxleysbaby
Summary: an episode fix-it fic for the 03/11 ep- callum doesn't come back down for his phone, ben doesn't touch his jacket and callum doesn't storm out
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway & Ben Mitchell, Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 4
Kudos: 58





	would you love me less, if you knew the trouble that i'm in?

**Author's Note:**

> please heed warnings that there is a panic attack and food in this fic, neither of these things are particularly descriptive but they are there and so i'm putting a warning here!!
> 
> i am also not entirely sure about a particular section whether ben would've heard callum or not but i did some research and i think he would've done so please let me know if i've got that wrong! 
> 
> enjoy!!

Ben was sat downstairs on the sofa watching the ceiling, listening to the soft thumping of footsteps above him knowing that Callum wasn’t asleep or laying down. He wanted so badly to go up and see what was plaguing his boyfriend's mind so much but the last time he offered, Callum had bitten his head off. Ben was confused, not entirely sure what was happening but he did know one thing, he wanted to fix it. 

He sat for a few more minutes listening to the thumps not showing any signs of slowing down and decided enough was enough, if his boyfriend wanted alone time he could get it but Ben wasn’t going to let him keep pacing up there. 

Ben was stood nervously in front of the bedroom door as he didn’t hear the pacing anymore. He stood for a minute before deciding to just suck it up and pray he doesn’t get his head bitten off again. He pushed open the door to their shared bedroom slowly, not entirely sure what state it would be in when he walked in. The room looked like it hadn’t been stepped in since this morning, even the bed was untouched. 

Callum was stood by the window, cracked open to let in a cool breeze, hands trembling and Ben recognised it as a sign that he might be having a panic attack. He walked up behind him slowly, laying a hand as lightly as possible on Callum’s shoulder so as not to startle him or panic him even further. 

“Hey, you’re okay, you’re safe, just take in some deep breathes for me yeah?” Ben spoke softly as he ran a hand gently down his back, attempting to soothe the tension Callum held in his shoulders. 

When Callum’s breathing finally slowed down and his hands stopped trembling as much, he dropped his head, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine, come on, why don't you get your head down for a bit while I get some food together and then you can take something for your head, yeah?” Ben wasn’t sure just how much food Callum would even be able to keep down but he was very aware of the fact that Callum hadn’t eaten any of the breakfast he’d laid out this morning and no doubt that he wouldn’t have stopped to eat at the station. 

Ben didn’t wait around for an answer knowing that he probably wasn’t going to get one from his exhausted boyfriend. He helped Callum strip his shirt off and get comfortable under the sheets before moving to close the curtains. Once he was sure that Callum was settled and everything was set for him to get some sleep, he walked towards the door just about to pull it shut behind him when Callum called out for him meekly. 

The sound was muffled by the blankets and had the house not been silent, Ben would’ve definitely missed it. “I’m still here, I just need to get you some food and something for your head. I won’t be long, just get some sleep.” He tried to keep speaking softly so he didn’t aggravate Callum’s headache further. 

Ben waited for Callum to settle back down before he pulled the door leaving it just slightly ajar so he didn’t disturb him when he came back up. He let out a breath before getting his wits back together and going down to make some toast (smothering it in butter just the way his man likes) and a tea for Callum. He also grabbed a glass of water and two paracetamols for the headache before making his way upstairs with the tray. 

He put the tray down on the bedside table closest to Callum who looked like he was sleeping but not quite fully asleep. Ben hated to wake him up but it would be better for him to eat, take the pills and get proper rest. He flicked on the lamp and gently shook Callum’s shoulder who woke with a start. 

“Hey hey, it’s fine, it’s just me. Sorry, I didn’t want to wake you but I thought you’d sleep better if you had eaten and taken something for your head.” Ben put a hand on his chest to reassure him as Callum’s eyes darted around the room. 

Ben let go of him when he looked less like a startled deer in the woods and Callum sat up, lifting a pillow to rest against the headboard. Ben put the tray on his lap and began making his way back downstairs when Callum called out for him again, this time his voice was muffled by food.

“Aren’t you staying?”

“I, um, I just thought you might want to be alone that’s all…” 

Callum knew then that his words from earlier were still playing on Bens mind and there was no way he was letting his boyfriend go back downstairs to sit alone like they were strangers sharing a house and not lovers sharing a home. 

“Please?” Callum pulled the corner of the duvet back on Ben’s side to show he was serious, not realising he was pleading unnecessarily because Ben would stay for as long as Callum asked.

Ben got in and they sat together in silence while Callum ate, when he was done and had taken the pills for his head, Ben took the tray and put it down on the floor. “Do you wanna get some sleep now?” 

“Are you staying?” Callum’s face and tone was almost childlike and Ben couldn’t have resisted even if he wanted to (he didn’t).

“Course, I will! Now come on, get some sleep.” They both shuffled around getting into comfortable positions laying down next to each other. Callum let Ben settle before shuffling slightly closer to him showing that he wanted to be held without having to say it. He was accepted, as he always was, into Ben’s arms letting his head rest on his chest. 

Callum draped an arm over Ben’s stomach as if it would be possible to bring the pair closer than they already were, Ben let an arm fall towards Callum’s back and another cradling the arm across his midsection. They were laying together in the silence when Callum broke it with a small whisper, “I’m sorry… about earlier. It wasn’t fair and you don’t deserve to be treated like that by anyone, least of all me.”

“It’s fine, all in the past now ain’t it?”

“No.” Callum shifted his head up towards Ben’s, finding him looking right back, “it ain’t fine and I know I upset you and that’s ain’t right, I really am sorry and I need you to let me be sorry about this please Ben.”

Ben could tell Callum was fragile, he was working himself up again and the last thing he wanted was for Callum to have another panic attack so he conceded, “alright hey, apology accepted alright? I know you’ve been having a tough time of it at work and it’s alright. But if you really want to, you can make it up to me by getting some sleep, yeah?” 

They both shifted back to how they were before Callum broke the silence and this time the quiet that fell on them wasn’t tense or uncomfortable. Ben was sure that there was more to all of this. He was certain that Callum would open up in time when he was ready and he’d be ready and waiting right there to help him fix whatever was wrong. 

As Callum’s breathing finally evened out, Ben let himself relax. He pressed a kiss to Callum’s head, whispering into the skin, “I’ll be here when you’re ready, whatever it is we’ll get through it. Together. I love you.”

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed! kudos and comments are appreciated! 
> 
> find me here!  
> [@mitchellandhighway on tumblr](https://mitchellandhighway.tumblr.com/)  
> [@callumhiqhway on twitter](https://twitter.com/callumhiqhway)


End file.
